Is your idea of success your own?

Or is it someone else's?

Things that ✨sparked joy✨ for me this week

• I joined a Discord for black neurodivergent femmes and the community has been so warm and affirming 🥰

• I recorded a podcast with Krystal Simpson on self care and business 🎧

• My first podcast appearance is available! Listen now

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When we talk about success it often looks a certain way:

• 6 to 7 figure income a year 🤑

• A big house (and/or multiple properties) 🏡

• Multiple fancy cars 🚗💨

• Travelling to beautiful places often 🛫

• Eating out at the most expensive restaurants 🍽️

• Buying designer/luxury clothing and accessories 💎

Lifestyle influencers (and even some coaches) often show you their glamorous lifestyle telling you that you can have this if you just use these 5 tools, do these 3 things, download their free guide.

But is that the kind of success you want? Or is that the success society says you should want?

In my time working as a freelancer and working with clients, I realized that the idea of success is highly individual — everyone’s idea of success is different depending on where they are in life, their goals and their values.

For me, success is seeing my clients find their version of success, while having enough time and money to care for myself and family's needs and wants. I don’t necessarily want a beach house in Tobago, to make 6-7 figures yearly and be able to take a trip to Dubai, Greece or Italy 3 times a year. All I want (right now; I’m sure this will change later) is to be able to swipe my bank card without having to worry about how much money I have left in my account.

Your version of success might look like living in an all female commune with your best gal pals, baking bread, rearing chickens and tending a small farm. Maybe success for you is having a career you love, a healthy partnership, and feeling mentally and physically healthy. Maybe you just wanna feel calm and content with life.

It’s so easy to feel like success looks like a 7 figure income when it’s being pushed in your face on Instagram, Tiktok and even in movies and TV shows. It also makes it easy for you to feel like you’re a unsuccessful if you don’t have the fancy car, or the big income.

It’s good to remember though that you’re not a machine; you’re a human being and we’re all unique and have different motivations and values, therefore, our ideas of success would vary!

And thank goodness for that! Imagine if all of us were the same kinds of influencers selling 3 step guides on how to get rich and successful. The world would be weirder than it already is, no?

Unsure of what success looks like to you? I feel you bestie. You want my practical advice? Figuring out your version of success is gonna require you to challenge your existing beliefs, and to be honest with yourself about what you need, want and what your values are. This is gonna take some time and feel very uncomfortable sometimes, but I believe in you and I promise it’ll get better.

Challenge your existing beliefs

“I need to get married by 30 to be successful”

“I need to be booked out and busy to be successful”

You get what I’m saying here, right? If you’re aiming for a thing because ✨society✨ says you need this thing to be successful then it’s worth challenging. If you’re aiming for a thing because you want it for yourself, then you’re on the right track 🎉

Being honest with yourself about your needs, wants and values

Especially as women (worse if you’re black/brown), it’s easy to downplay our needs and wants. You don’t want to seem too shallow, too needy, too demanding, too whatever. Friend, I say be shallow, be needy, be demanding. You were put on this earth for pleasure and joy. Your needs and wants are valid and are your divine right.

Is making enough money to buy a Telfar bag your idea of success because it’s a cute ass bag and it’ll be your first purchase that’s just for you? Own that shit!! Don’t be afraid to feel a bit delusional with what you want your success to look like once it’s what you want for yourself and not what you think you should want.

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At the end of the day, your life is yours. You should be living a life that you want to live for yourself. Your life shouldn’t be one that you’re living for other people.

I know it's hard because ✨society✨ and ✨capitalism✨ but honestly society’s version of success isn’t even worth it if you’re just gonna hate living.